Me, Me, Me.

2010-04-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

i hate it when people blamed for things i never do.

i hate being a staff nurse.

2010-04-17T14:36:00.002+08:00

im so angry and yet utterly sad. i posted something on FB and someone else felt the insult. when ppl tell me that i shudnt add my colleagues as friends, i thought, why the hell not, they're friends too. but now i know why. this incident is going to affect my future work.
story is that i wrote on my FB that i was SOOO angry at someone, i didnt specify who. i asked that person to help me and she outright refused to but expects me to do so much more for her. so, in my anger, i must have shouted at one of the ENs to help me accompany this pt down. the porter kept bugging me to send down with her. but i cant because i have a course on pain practical and i was already running late. i mean, dont you ever experience anger so strong that it sprints down your whole body making you oblivious to everything around you??

so this EN thinks that im talking about her on FB, because she said 'no' to helping me. and, she msg-ed me that i was like different than when i was an student. i dont help out around the ward and always ask ppl to do things for me.
what she doesnt understand is that im going thru a transition. from a student nurse, im thrust into staff nursing. and since, i'm STAFF and no longer student nurse, theres so many things that i'm available to do for.
like if pts have to be send down for CT scan, x-ray, OT or even the cancer center, if they have oxygen, a staff must accompany the porter. and juniors cant do that and the staff nurses have their own rooms so im sent. that is why im missing sometimes and i dont help them with the ward routines. if i was a student, im not allowed to do all this so i stay up in the ward and happily do work with them.
then i have like courses so i cant be in the ward the whole time. like half-way thru the shift i have to go. and some things i still cannot do so when i take a case and need blood, i have to ask someone to help me because i havent learn how to take blood or even administer IV meds yet.

and she said that some of the staff are pissed at me because i keep asking them to do work. and that i just started work but already order ppl to do things. i really try to do everything for myself, i really do because my preceptor said that if you can do it by yourself, dont disturb the juniors. so if i ask you to do it, it's because im really desperate and that i really need your help.

i thot i was doing quite okay but i guessed i was wrong. i am a lousy SN. i'm really sorry to all the staff. i will work super hard for this 6 months. i cant believe im crying right now and i havent even officially start work. my chest feels like so heavy.

lousy SN. lousy Jannah.

superbly lazy

2010-04-02T02:56:00.002+08:00

i keep on wanting to upate my blog. but i have to think of what to write and how to put it in words. whereas in tumblr, i just click away. im not saying i prefer tumblr, im just saying.

i am so lazy that while im in my hellish foundation programme, i planned and drafted out a post so i could just copy and paste when im at home. and now, sitting in front of my lappie, my laziness cranks up several notches. yup, im too lazy to get up and find my notebook to copy and paste.

i know, i know.

formspring.me

2010-03-18T23:14:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/heartskboys

chocs

2010-03-15T19:34:00.003+08:00

it was very nice to see them all.

do not prod angry SN NRBA.

2010-03-09T01:58:00.003+08:00

my best friend is the best.

good job on the venting. it was nice to read. you highlighted all the right parts.
syabas, NUR RAIDAH.

JAY.

2010-03-08T23:49:00.003+08:00

~~2PM~~ ~~6PM~~ 5PM is different without you. D:

i had like 5 dreams of him. all in one night. one after another. it was tiring but i remembering loving every dream. i cant remember what they were about though.

when i woke up in the ~~morning~~ afternoon, i sighed and rubbed my face.

why did i strayed to K-POP and get my heart and head messed up like this.

new layout

2010-03-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

just trying it out.

:)

i wanted to give up, but then i thot of you.

2010-03-04T21:23:00.003+08:00

the conference and termination threw me off. it shook my whole K-POP world. the lovable dorks that resides in my afternoons had changed, i felt. i wanted him to come back. to be back as the dorky leader who always leaves his brains at home. :)

i toyed with the idea to stop being a hottest. stop loving these dorks.
then i read what k-coldest were doing to them. i hated it.
so, jay, i will always think of you and <3 you. :DD

wooyoung, stay strong! if you do, then so will I!

~~2PM~~ 6PM, international hottests will love you, okay!

i cried a lot today.

2010-02-26T22:10:00.002+08:00

i thot of this title today after i watched DEAR JOHN. i mean, i cried thru out the whole movie because its a sad, good story.
then i cried more because i found out JAEBEOM is never coming back to 2PM.
OMG.
:''((

i thought we were friends.

2010-02-22T01:07:00.000+08:00

i guess not.

theres this one guy.

2010-02-15T00:21:00.002+08:00

he's not cute. but his looks grows on you. :D good thing is he lives near me. like i walk past his block everytime i have to take a bus to civilisation.
it feels like hes been sending me all these signals. smiling and waving at me. pretend to read at posters just so he could inquire if i'd been crying. his smile is very sweet, yup thats the word.
but anyways, it feels like its not going anywhere. never ask me for number. not even FB. )):
besides, im having three days off so if his mommy get dc while im on off, i'll probably never see him again.
and you know what? i dont even know his name. ㅠㅠ
i know.

unspoken truths.

2010-02-14T23:35:00.003+08:00

i want to write so many things. i want to get them off my chest so i can truly be as happy as i seem. but i cant. i just cant.

it takes a lot to make really down. like down like i would fucking shut up and do my own things and dont get involved so much. daydreaming does not count because i do that all the freaking time. something happened and i actually cried. by myself. i cried three times in all three different locations. i was so afraid and my hands couldnt stop shaking. i couldnt sleep at night. i sat up, rolled over then sat up again. everytime i closed my eyes, the scene replays over and over again.
i spoke to my mom about it and she tells me i shud sleep earlier. i was like, wth. i AM in bed already. i just couldnt sleep with the bombardment of the horrible memory. but she doesnt understand. nobody really does.

my PRCP is ending. i still dont think im ready to be a SN. but its not like i have a choice right?
DD:

i'm afraid.

2010-02-10T23:19:00.003+08:00

i've been watching fan-cams. and im afraid. serious. i mean if 2PM or BIG BANG or U-KISS comes to Singapore, i'm so going to the concerts. anyways, the fancams are those at the airport. right now, im laughing at them screaming and shouting and honestly, i won't go to these kind of things. but what if they come and i change my mind??! then i'll be one of those girls who i'm laughing at!!!

when i saw MUSE at the airport that time, i was staring intently at them not screaming and getting deaf by the screaming fans behind me. i watched them chase MUSE all the way to the doors and i thot hmm, so weird.
then my sister said to me, if your korean guys were the one they were screaming about, you wouldn't be here.
... yeah, you're right. i'll be screaming and chasing them as well.
but honestly, i think if i was coincidentally at the airport, i would follow them. but if not, i'll just stay at home and hug the concert tix and pictures.
:DD

dribblers.

2010-02-10T22:42:00.003+08:00

i've been taking cabs alot these days. my sister's virus has spread to me. i dont take it like from sgh to home but from mrt stations. plus, the fact the fare is less than $5 and i get home so much faster doesnt help me curb off the evil cab virus.

but sometimes, i get into not-nice cabs. the sulky uncles, the loud blaring of old chinese songs and the jerky rides i can tolerate but the most recent cab incident i really cannot take it. i was sitting on the edge of the seat, my eyes on the door handle, my fingers curled into my knees and my nose taking in only the minimal oxygen needed to keep me conscious.
when i got in, the uncle gave me a funny look then once i shut the door, the smell hits. working in a hospital for some time, i know the smell. some of my patients spot this smell sometimes. mostly old, diabetic, weak uncles. it was the smell of dribblers. no, i dont mean the ball-dribblers. i mean the urine-dribblers. like when u pee and you just cant stop, like a leaky pipe. and some of the urine dribbles on your pants. yup. that smell. and being in an enclosed, air-con space does not ease the smell.

at first i thot, the passenger before me was the one so i scooted to the edge and peeked at the back. the seat was dry and i realized that the smell was stronger in front. at this time, the uncle was shooting me glances. i think he knows i was smelling something funny. he shifts in his seat and i slowly rubbed my nose in an attempt to wave off the smell.
then i realized that he has taken the longer route to my home. oh, gawd. i have to sniff the putrid urine air longer. by this time, i have taken to placing a fist at my nose like i was thinking far away and not realizing that i was doing that.
to make it worse, he started coughing. those deep, chesty cough that screamed TB or some other infectious disease! i stopped breathing for a while. serious.
when he finally made a turn into my carpark, i was getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen, my knees were getting cramped from holding my weight from the seat. i gave him $5, quickly murmuring that he could keep the 30cents, threw open the door, supress my urge to kick the door shut, closed the door like any civilised human being and speed-walked to my lift where i took huge puffs of oxygen and thank god i survived!

sometimes, it's just not your day, you know what i mean.

ayman in beyonce outfit.

2010-02-07T20:52:00.003+08:00

this month is coming to an end. i'm getting free from NYP soon. whooooooooo...!

my first ever night is coming soon. i'm probably the last one to do night among my friends but i dont make the schedules.

i went to sengkang just now to find a white sweater because my ward had installed air-coolers and it's really cold there. its like im working in A-class. so since the sweater i always wear isnt white, i have to go buy.
but sadly, i cant find today. maybe tmrw, i go earlier to look at hougang mall.
till then, all my bulu roma will stand in an attempt to stay warm.

en-bloc.

2010-02-07T20:30:00.001+08:00

this entry will be simple.

i hope my sister's house will be en-bloc. HAHA.
then i wont have to stay at that place when mom releases Hougang into the wild.

EN-BLOOOCCCCCC!!

dream report

2010-02-04T20:34:00.002+08:00

call it karma or whatever.

2010-02-04T20:29:00.002+08:00

recently, i had a patient who was having her period and she didnt bring any with her. so she wanted to re-wear her old pad. i told her that i'll give her mine and i did. the next day, she bought a whole pack of pads and gave them to me.
i told her that i cant accept anything from my patients but she insisted and even left it on the table for me. at first, i ignored it, ignored the green and pink packaging sitting on the table, being ignored by the general patient and staff population.
then the staff said to me, can you please take it away?
i told her, what? but i dont waaannntttt...!
just throw it somewhere. anyone can use.
so i chucked it in the prep room, with the disposable undies.
then today, i got my period and have no pads. then, tada, i remembered the pack of pads. so, tada!
KARMA.
i went back home, worry-free.
:DDD

im on a blogger overload.

2010-02-03T23:41:00.002+08:00

i know this is my third post for today. anyways, everybody around me knows that i am super lazy to read other ppl's blogs. so since im bored, i thot i'll go see the peeps around me.

im quite surprised to see my name sometimes popping out in random entries. HAHA. just to let you know, i appreciate being remembered. :)

plus, im glad that my weird dreams have infected some people. right, diyana? (:
i dont have weird dreams nowadays. well, mostly because im so pooped out from my work that once my head hit the pillow, im gone till my phone vibrates my wandering soul back into my body so i could get ready to got back to work, again.
im beginning to miss them. D:

my ang-ang.

2010-02-03T23:26:00.001+08:00

i've finally changed the picture to be bigger. plus, i've add some little tiny lovey details.
:D

u-kiss.

2010-02-03T22:36:00.002+08:00

i think now that i've grown older, i've gotten real specific about the guy i want. i mean, i've always had high expectations, which was the reason why im always single. D:

must be taller than me (DUH!)
earn more than me.
a pleasant looking face.
able to speak english well
do not use crude words like the basic adverbs of sentences.
can easily make me laugh.
understands that i cant stay out late or overnight ANYWHERE.
do not display EPDA.
understands my K-Craze..!
do not poke fun at my friends.
having his own set of wheels is a plus. but, i'm fine with taking the public transport as long he sends me home at the end! :DD
a Korean would be nice. HAHA!!!
a nice butt.
understands that sometimes, i just dont want to go out, i have a good reason. it may not be a good reason to you but it is to me.
able to make me stay interested for more than a year.

i should stop now. im scaring off so many ppl already.

so... i'll just go and book myself a cat to keep me company when i grow old with my impossibly high expectations.

어떻게.

):

2010-01-26T20:08:00.003+08:00

i dont like her. really. she's says we must ask ourselves questions about our patients. i mean, it sounds nice here but the way she says it, shes trying to sound cute. and shes totally not. she has this brand new hairstyle who just makes me think of a toad. its cut too short for her round face plus she rebonded it. OMG. one of the EN was right, UGLY BETTY. hahaha...!

ppl think that being nurses, you get close contact with doctors and radiographers and all those high ranking ppl. but its not like that. i wish ppl would stop having these thoughts and ask me if any doctors are single. because honestly, i dont know.

no social life already. D:

2010-01-19T19:30:00.000+08:00

i just realized that my wooyoung is extremely small. i'll have to enlarge it later. (:

i feel like im lost. i feel like im doing all sorts of wrong things and it annoys me that im doing it wrong. my energy gets sapped out everytime the CI comes. im so tired.
im too young to have a life crisis.

finally.

2010-01-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

changed my blogskin. i cant seem to shrink wooyoung's pix. i mean, i keep shrinking it in photobucket but it still comes out the same size.

so forget it. the bigger the better!

at work.

2010-01-16T18:28:00.002+08:00

blogging from MO's room

im getting a headache. i dont know if its from how close im scrutinizing the tumblr posts or its just my head. my coke is finished. im getting thirsty.

cannot watch inuyasha today. ): and tmrw, im working morning. which means im gonna have to get up at 5 on a Sunday. )):

i wonder what ayman is doing. i played with this arab toddler just now. he;s the son of one of the 47's patient. hes cute. and he follows me around. serious. till, i lost him in the toilet. i quickly walked away when he went into the male toilet to wash his tiny hands. AGAIN.
hope i'll see him again. heehee.
:D

2PM at 6AM.

2010-01-15T23:32:00.004+08:00

nice pervert told me a very interesting story today that made me look at some of the other staff differently. honestly, in a weird sort of way, how his story ties up the ends of his misery was like novel-material. but, i cant say what he told me. HAHA. its a secret.

medical students are overflowing in my ward. they wander around, whispering among themselves and sometimes, they approached me to chaperone them as they examined female patients. they are very nice, asking politely and smiling. like i said before, when they graduate, its a different story. anyways, i must have looked free all the time.

so i stand with them in in the curtains with the patient, they do their physical examination. i'm told that their exams are coming in march, one of the nice, cute med student told me. he was a very chatty, nice guy. he even asked me if i wanted to hear what he was hearing from the stets.
usually, this particular pt is very popular because she had two mechanical valves (which can be heard very well just by standing next to her. if she is in a bus/mrt, the person next to her prolly thinks she has a bomb. HAHA). she can get like 20 visits one day.

how did you know we were going to XX?
oh, she's very popular with med students.
oh really?
yeah, you're like the 8th person to see her.
oh.
dont worry. i dont think she minds. young guys coming to see her all the time.
(laughs) every woman's dream?
.. um yeah. (suddenly, wish i have mech valves so he could examined me. heehee)

so XX has gone for an op and now another pt is getting popular in her absense. chaperoning is not fun, okay. you dont do anything, just stand there and watch them do the p.exam. so in my boredom, my eyes wander.
to the med student's nice hands.
to the med student's butt.
to his hair.
to his neck.
to his name.
to his face.
till, they looked up and noticed my staring so i acted like i was daydreaming and just keep staring. HAHA. then i blinked and looked up at them like i didnt noticed what i was doing.
HAHA.

okay, im going to sleep now. feeling sleep-deprived.
annyeong.

from far away.

2010-01-10T20:14:00.001+08:00

hey mom! (:

gidari daga jjijinda.

2010-01-08T19:20:00.000+08:00

cepat la, nur raidah! Da kul brape nii?? I kene get back to my ward soon. ):

chocolates makes the world go round.

2010-01-07T20:50:00.004+08:00

im having my prcp now. honestly, i think im doing quite well with my preceptor then the CI comes and shakes my beliefs about doing well. after she leaves, i'll be left with a huge question mark.

honestly, i dont think im cut out for staff nurse. i dont want to graduate. or even be a staff nurse. its just too bad that i learned nursing is not for me after 3 years.

i'll be naming the staff in my ward with code names. so if you see any strange names, its probably them. ):

im back.

2010-01-07T20:49:00.002+08:00

aahh!

ive missed blogging for real. i guess i'll put aside my tumblr for my k-craze. (:

goodbye, blogger.

2009-12-01T21:09:00.002+08:00

i have upheaved myself and yanked out all the long roots that's embedded in blogger.
i have moved.
all thanks to hayu. i met her today and she converted me to the wonderful world of tumblr.
you can see me there if you want.
(:
at http://starsforeyes.tumblr.com

i wont be shutting down this page. i still love it ALOT.

sengkang with the girls.

2009-11-28T22:41:00.003+08:00

mum, grandma, sister, me and ayman went to sengkang just now. we ate at delifrance, which i pay. ''-.-
actually i wanted to eat BK but got alot of ppl. then after that, we went to the library to return books and i forgot to brought my XENA comics. *sigh. then went to starbucks to buy toffee nut frappe. its sweet, i like. honestly, i think it will be nicer if its a hot beverage.
to console myself, i bought onion rings before we went home. (:

oh, yeah. oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

2009-11-25T23:30:00.002+08:00

i have nothing to say.
i sleep late at three.
my sleep gets interrupted by Ayman all the time.
im not allowed out of home often.
my body hurts.
my heart hurts.

yup, nothing to say.

싫어!

2009-11-18T22:03:00.002+08:00

its not enough. i dont like it.

wel lha veag re atbi rthda ywit houtme co uldn ty ouse etha tiwa sunc omfo rta bley ourper su asio ntec hn ique sne edsa loto fwo rk.

i dreamt of edward cullen.

2009-11-15T15:48:00.002+08:00

yup, everybody, this is time for another one of my weird dreams.

it started out at an arcade. there was the cullens, me and some other vampires. i dont know why but i was angry at edward. i think it was because he was talking with some other girl vampire i dont like. the details are blurry.
so i went with this other huge vampire to walk around the mall. the mall was big and empty with not much shops. he was talking about some girl he liked and i was listening with half a ear, distracted with edward. i trailed my hand down the escalator railing and my fingertips got burned. have no idea why, though.
so we went back to our meeting place which was amk hosp lobby (strange, right?). then edward came forward and hugged me tight. apparently we were going to eat but edward told them to go ahead without us first.
where did you go?
just walking.
i was worried.
really? i thought you didnt care. with your new fren and all.
didnt care? the person i care most in this world is you. what were you doing with that lowlife?
we just walked around and talked. are you jealous?
yes.
i hurt my hand. (i wiggled my burnt fingers.) kiss it and make it better.
(chuckles) kiss it? you're killing me.
but it really hurts. (batting my lashes)
(sighs) i love you too much to say no.
he pulled my fingers to his lips. i could feel his breath.
then, ayman bit me. waking me to a harsh, pained and edward-less reality.
aiygo.

number 1 fall.

2009-11-15T15:32:00.002+08:00

i was young. obviously. we had just finished watching WONDERWOMAN. me and my sister. so afterwards, my sister told me:
adik, kalau adik pusing cepat2, adik boleh jadi wonderwoman tau. (if you spin very2 fast, you can become wonderwoman!)
so being the young and gullible person i am, i believed my sister. and i spun. and spun. and spun. till i was dizzy enough to want to vomit. but i was determined to become WW. then i fell. i dont remember what happened but i remember being on the floor, pain shooting up my cheek.
i was brought back to the dr place for another massage. my cheek was really, really swollen and my grandma said my eye popped out a little but i was really doubting it. HAHA.

i guess i remember this fall very well is because i was really stupid enough to believe her. i mean, honestly, obviously i cant be wonderwoman.
im not an amazon.

jannah's top 3 falls.

2009-11-09T16:15:00.003+08:00

i was lying in bed and i realized that i spent most of my childhood days picking myself off the ground. honestly, i really fall down ALOT of times. so since my blog is pretty empty, i thot i'll create a post on my top 3 falls, as stated in the above title. i had to crack my brain and clear alot of cobwebs to remember some of these painful memories. ):

in third place !
i think i was 8 or 9. i was still having my religious classes at the amk mosque. the class was on the third floor and when it was time to go home, i rushed out, joining the throes of other kids in their haste to get home too. usually, grandma fetches me home. i hoped she fetched me today so we could go A&W at the back and playground right after. if my granddad picked me up, it was straight home.
so i skipped down the stairs, happily thinking of the root beer floats. then suddenly i was the bottom of the stairs. there was a niggling thought at the back of my head that was asking how did i get to the ground floor so fast. but like i said, it was niggling so i happily walked across the courtyard, wiping a trail of sweat that threatened to go into my eye. then people were staring at me and my grandma screamed. she ran to me, clutched my face, screamed god's name like he was going to come down and placed his holy hand on my forehead and heal everything. unfortunately, despite being at a mosque, god didnt descend from the high heavens. i was whisked into a taxi and driven to my family doctor. honestly, i didnt feel the pain. grandma cried, looked at my forehead, cried some more, whispered god's name over and over again with the occasional mention of my name mixed in.
apparently, i was bleeding a lot. i even got a head xray. but thats about it that i remember. HAHA. some bad memories just cant be dug out.

in second place!
i was nine years old because i remember mr dennis tuan as my form teacher. we were having PE. well, actually just running around a bunch of cars at the staff carpark. then i was out of breath so i bent over to catch my breath then next thing i saw was the tyre of some car right at my face. someone had pushed me and i knew exactly who was it. that lowdown, yellow-bellied snake. this time, i could feel the pain, searing and burning my right knee. the skin was scraped off totally. my PE teacher brought me to the general office (a place i frequent due to my many falls.) and they poured iodine on it and gauze. my mom and grandma fetched me with grandma in tears. my mom has kinda resigned to the fate that her youngest daughter was destined to fall alot of times. she used to call me a clumsy horse, since i was born in the year of the horse.
anyways, my mom sounded the stupid boy's mother who shrugged and said, "boys will be boys." at that moment, i was thinking that's all she said? right now, im thinking that some characters just runs in the family.
then after a few days, i had started to limp. because of the immense pain, i didnt want to move my leg so much. so all the muscles are tensed and my grandma called my regular masseuse, yes i have one. he's a dr but stopped practicing to do massage. hes very used to me coming all the time. he painfully massage all the muscles and i was crying all the time. then just when i think the torture it was over, he got my mom to hold on my hands and my grandma my legs. then he poured axe oil on my open wound!
OMG! i think i fainted. cause i dont remember anything else. i still have the scar, though.

i'll do the first place, later. my lappie is hanging. (:

Another weird dream.

2009-11-01T20:56:00.002+08:00

i dreamt of having almost-sex with Kwon Jiyong (G-Dragon). how random is that? i think it must have been bcoz i watching his video before i went to sleep. anyway.
we had almost sex. then, the scene changed and i was wearing his black hoodie with the white, dripping G on the front. i was now part of his entourage. i watched him practice with BIGBANG and he would come over and sit by my legs and leaned on me, drinking water. then 2NE1 came in and CL asked me who was I. GD said that i was a friend from overseas and i was here just for fun.
scene changes again. and we were walking thru paparazzi. GD walked ahead with his managers and the members of BB. the van left without me and the flashes of light blinded me with the shoutings deafening me. then through them, a hand reached out. I took it and GD pulled me thru and into the van.
gwaenchana? (are you okay?)
nae. (yes.) i said softly and sat quietly. i wanted to go home but GD held on my hand. i looked over my shoulder and Seung Hyun (Top) was staring at me. i so wanted to go to him bcoz as of all of you know, Seung Hyun is the one i really go crazy for. GD kissed my knuckles.
Jannah.
nae?
saranghae. (i love you) and he did that one sided smile i personally think is really cute.
i blinked. nae?!
at that moment, Top reached forward and took my other hand.
nado saranghae. (i love you, too) then, he launched into a verse of their song. {i'm so sorry but i love you}.
the van screeched into a halt and i threw open the door, running out. i turned and GD and Top was standing side by side, with their hands held out for me.
Jannah. they both called out.

and, i woke up.
my dreams just get weirder and weirder, huh?

number one reason.

2009-10-31T19:25:00.002+08:00

my mom had only one reason for the faults of m'sia. Like the 99++ sec red light, the holes on the road, the unlit ways, KL's swindling taxi drivers, the nail in our room, the tight carpark, the tiny bidet waterflow at KLCC. Well, just about everything receive one type of reaction from her.

(shrugs) malaysia, what.
(:

where is supergirl?

2009-10-27T15:54:00.001+08:00

it feels good being out of the house. Im going KL soon. So i have to pack and buy some other things. I really wish that bishan library equipped itself with more girl superheroes comics.
Okay, out to change money.

I am drunk with BIGBANG. (:

in Bishan library.

2009-10-23T17:14:00.003+08:00

ive read all the books in my home repeatedly and i think my eyes cannot take watching the tv or the lappie any longer. This is because every night, a dull headache would start right between my eyes and i will find it EXTREMELY difficult to go sleep.

Therefore, the situation right now. Me in the library. Im gonna read syome superhero comics and wait fer my mom to come. ive invited her along bcoz one my grandma cooked squids and i cant eat it; allergic reasons. Two, i dont wanna go home in public transport on a friday night. Three, i like going out with my mom. Just my mom alone. Im a selfish daughter. I like to think im an only child when im with her. That means no pesky older sister. (:
Alas, that is just a temporary situation till we go home.

Im blogging thru my phone. Heehee.

introducing ayman to love of my life.

2009-10-19T19:35:00.004+08:00

he grabs Flash by the head!
then he slams him down and hit him repeatedly.

and lastly, uses Flash to smear his saliva all over his table.

to be fair, i think Flash would do alot better if he had his speedy legs with him.

betrayed.

2009-10-18T20:21:00.002+08:00

i really take good care of myself during attachments. i put on hand cream before and after work and before i go to sleep. after i take my shower, i would slapped on moisturizers on my face. i cut my nails before it gets too long. and if im feeling just a bit sick, i would drinks loads of water, sleep often, eat right.
but once i am on holidays (like right now!), i sleep late, wake up late. dont drink often. dont PU often. my moisturizer and hand cream is left untouched.
....
i just dont know anymore.
):

i have strange dreams all the time.

2009-10-15T21:46:00.003+08:00

i was in a busy place. i remember being with a group of friends. im fuzzy about the details. its either my nursing class or CHOCs. somebody collapsed behind me and i turned. i immeadietly ask everyone to not crowd around the man. I knelt down and started the CPR process. i tapped the man and assessed responsiveness. after shouting for someone to call 995, i checked his pulse and respiration. then i blew air and did the pumps. odd thing was that i couldnt lock my elbows. i knew i was doing nothing helpful to the poor man but i couldnt stop myself from doing further damage. i was crying as i counted the pumps.
i was angry that my elbows couldnt lock. after some time, i was getting breathless and i was getting tired. someone tapped my shoulder.
stop it.
i shook my head and amazingly, my elbows locked itself. i began pumping with earnest. then the paramedics came and told me he's dead. then in my dream, i realized that the man was my bf. oh my god, i cried even more. i watched as the paramedics carry him away. i stood up and i was thinking why didn't anyone helped me. both of the groups of friends i was with, i know they knew CPR. they could have helped and he could be alive right now.
good job.
i turned and saw that it was Say Li who told me to stop and telling me i did a good job with my CPR. good job? i killed the man!
then i woke up.

this is my morning's dream.
my grandma bake star cookies, the size of my hands. i woke up and realized that it was a dream. my grandma was lying on the matress beside my bed. so i told her.
nenek, adik mimpi yg nenek buat biskut bintang. sebesar tangan adik.
huh? takde la.
i got up from my bed and took my lappie from the foot of my bed and went out to living room to connect to the internet.
then i woke up up again! i was still on my bed! my grandma was below me. i turned my head.
nenek, adik mimpi yg adik mimpi pasal nenek buat biskut bintang!! maknye adik mimpi dua kali!
grandma laughs. my phone vibrated, reminded me abt an email i must do. so i slid from my bed and took my lappie outside, sleep still lagging my brain. when i placed the lappie outside, my brain woke up with a start.
didn't we did this, before? my brain asked. oh my god, yeah!
....

strange dreams are a norm with me.

eep.

2009-10-13T20:05:00.004+08:00

i read something in cleo today and the article reminded me of a friend.

You know this guy. He's charming, cute, self-deprecating, and when he smiles, something inside you flips over. So what's he doing with her? Yes, you know his gf too.

p/s: based on ayman, i dont want to have a child.

i havent forgotten about you, jay.

2009-10-13T14:18:00.000+08:00

he doesnt reply. ):

2009-10-12T16:28:00.002+08:00

a young woman smiles at her baby as she pushed him through the mall. she was drawing glances from the shoppers but she was used to it. at first, it was hard to ignore and she used to avoid crowds. then, she got over it and threw caution to the wind. she did no wrong, afterall. nobody remarked about her baby or smiled, worried and afraid that they might say the wrong things and insult her. an old woman trailed after them, obviously a family member. people looked at her too, wondering, thinking.
the young woman plays little games to keep her baby entertained. talks to him as she surveys the cookies shelves at the supermarket. nodding her head as her baby inputs his suggestions. all under the view of the public.

everybody thinks you're the mother of ayman when we go out. i fed-up already.
i know, nenek. what to do. kan, ayman?

when all else fails.

2009-10-12T00:42:00.002+08:00

i heard you were a having a bad and lousy time. i am sorry that i couldn't do anything to help you or make you feel better. i put myself in your shoes and i felt sad, too. and i imagined that it will worse for you.

i wanted to put a picture of us but the internet is already straining itself for MSN and keeping itself connected so i dont wanna break it. (:

ily, nra.

nganz.

2009-10-11T19:23:00.004+08:00

if you have solve all your problems, you would be faced with a bigger one. BOREDOM.

the quote could not be any truer. the whole day was spent with me flopping around the house, bemoaning my lack of activites. the tv was hogged by my grandma, my lappie was being used by my sister as her lappie has decided to pack up its bag and go to hell and ayman was sleeping off the effects of his cough medicine.
so as my last resort, i laid on my bed and daydream. i hugged Redy and Skye and let my mind wander. after a few minutes, i was recognizing the symptoms of Mr. Sleep descending on me. i hated naps, like you all know. i should have gotten up and shake him off. but honestly, i couldnt see the point. if i got up, what the heck could i do? mopped around some more? so against my beliefs and my better judgement, i closed my eyes and curled my body. needless to say, i fell asleep.

so right now, my body aches and my eyes are still heavy with sleep. my mouth feels sandy and my nose is dry. i am even more tired than i was before. what to do now? im only using the lappie as my sister takes a break.
im getting worried over my 8 weeks. is everyday going to be like this?
omfg.

burnt human flesh and the stink of blood.

2009-09-29T19:50:00.002+08:00

i havent scrub in yet. i only one have one more day to do so.

in OT just now, there this infectious case so they use disposable stuffs. and they had to rip off this sticky thing off the plastic drape and the dr(from now on referred as JX) threw the paper over his shoulder. and it went flying to my face. OMG. it barely missed me, it was like the matrix. then next hit was AYU. hahaha. he is cute. young and cute.
then when i helped him with tying of the his OT gown, he looked back and saw me. then he bent down. ive tied for him before therefore he didnt need to bend but he did. i guess, it was nice of him. he smells nice, too. but he doesnt have a butt. well, he has one, its just not very apparent.
the thing that got me gaping my mouth under my mask was the fact that his name was similar to one of the JUN brothers of 2PM.

bimbo + bimbo = awesome bimbotic moments.

scrubs.

2009-09-28T22:08:00.002+08:00

its probably rude but he doesnt seem to mind. today, on my way to work, i stared at this NS boy. generally, i like guys in uniform. it makes them look good. anywayy..! this NS boy is pretty. yup, not handsome but pretty. he stood opposite me. i didnt notice him actually because im not a morning person and i spent most of my early mornings zoning off, happily curling up to sleep in my own world. i looked up and there he was. so i stared. he really looks so good. i blinked and just couldnt tear my eyes off. he noticed my stare and stared back at me. then, the side of his lips lifted. OMG. HOT.
i was stunned. shocked. surpised. slapped with a fish shocked. as my body melted into a pathetic puddle of embarassment, my brain seized the chance to rip my eyebalss off him. i spent the rest of the ride reading my book, ignoring the boy. when i got off, he did too. as we stood side by side at the door, i felt something on my elbow. i turned to see his hand coming down. HEHEHEHEHE!! i smiled to myself. unfortunately, he went the other way. but he did looked back and smiled at me. fucking hot.
as much as the brief meeting thrilled me to heaven and back, i realized that it was nothing but a BRIEF MEETING. i will probably never see him again. ):

ot turns me off like no other.

super hot day.

2009-09-26T23:02:00.003+08:00

today, i drank alot. so, obviously, my output is going to be alot too. i didnt realized that i didnt pee the whole day. so just now when i PU, i sat in the toilet for quite some time. honestly, i felt like i released a whole river. my mom thot i was BO-ing. im quite impressed at my bladder capacity. good job, bladder!

im heading to OT this monday. i aint looking forward to it. whether it because of what my frens have been saying about the place or its because im just afraid of doing wrong things is still not clear to me. i also hope my shoes is acceptable in the OT.

i dont feel anything right now.

im not rushing out to become chummy with you but i'm not pining anymore.

i guess deep inside i know, us is something you and i cannot be.

oh, wells.

time-traveler's wife.

2009-09-23T23:39:00.000+08:00

over means over.

hello, bimbo friend.

2009-09-22T20:01:00.002+08:00

for lunch today, we had mac's. we went back to NYP to eat. it was nice being back in NYP after some time. the school is pretty empty.

the whole morning, i felt lousy. like i just want to sit down and daydream or zone out. pfft.

i even did my message for Jay. it was about to rain and it was drizzling. i quickly snapshot so my poster doesnt get spoiled. good thing was that in the picture, i could see NANYANG POLYTECHNIC.
(:

i wonder.

2009-09-20T20:43:00.002+08:00

oddly enough, it doesnt hurt. as much as i expected. a twinge here, a throb there but thats about it.
was i even that attached to the boat at all?

will deleting them stop me from crying?

2009-09-19T13:12:00.003+08:00

you happy, i happy too.
don be sad ok. we can always meet after your attachments.
u face cute i would pinch it till bleed.
awww u cry i hug u tightly very2 tight.
rmb i will miss u.
i know what i want i wont change my mind.
yeah miss you.
just hope feelings don fade.
we shud meet up soon for dinner and movie.
cant wait you end exam then can meet up.
on days you morning shift we go out after that.
night shift sometimes meet you for dinner.
don worry can make time.
i smile n feel happy when see you msg me. its lame i know but just feel happy.
dont feel sad im always here for you no matter what.
morning baby.
i going work baby leave me msg anyting.
i plan la k small baby
good morning baby. enjoy your movie later k and go back early. missing you.
come big hug for you.
cant wait meet you.
later i call you baby girl.
first thing think of you wake up.
hug you tomorrow.
i also think of you till i do things wrongly.
miss talking to you.
so nice of you. hug you.

the beginning was sweet and i felt like ive taken a HAPPY drug. it didnt went downhil. there was just a flatline. the vibe was friendly. nothing extra. just friendly. it was like ive gotten a new boy-friend. but honestly, his friend status wasnt as high as sherman. there were still awkward silences between us.
he told me that we could be like best friends. i told him that i was happy with just one. he said i thot raidah was my best friend. i said ya. my best friend is her and i was happy with just her.

i cannot like you but i cannot bring myself to hate you.
otoke?

i bangga.

2009-09-16T23:14:00.001+08:00

i painstakingly wrote and pass report for an entire room.
AN ENTIRE ROOM!

thank you, SN Kelvin for teaching and trusting me.

just an update.

2009-09-13T14:26:00.002+08:00

doing my case study. painstakingly drawing out my stickman. and listening to jason mraz's sexy voice. of course, its punctuated with ayman's little cries for attention or jibber jabber as he talks to the table of his highchair.

its hard to deal with this.

to drown or not to drown.

2009-09-13T00:59:00.002+08:00

one tiny step forward and a gigantic backflip are creating stagnant emotions. the rush of adrenaline gets halted like an embolism in a blood vessel.

Redy says that no matter what happens, i will always have him.

crying, crying.

2009-09-08T22:57:00.002+08:00

Jaebeom posted:
"Hello, I'm 2PM's Jaebeom.

I'm sorry for giving you my last greeting through this letter.I think it will be hard for me to see you all on stage because of my sorry heart.

I'm really sorry to everyone, and I'm even more sorry to the fans who have shown me love.
From today, I will leave 2PM.

2PM boys, I'm really sorry to the boys and I'm sorry I couldn't be strong as a leader and a hyung and have to leave like this.However, I hope you will be more cool and charming.

Again, I'm sorry.

Jaebeom"

don't go! don't go!
come back, Jay.

unexpected afternoon.

2009-09-07T23:31:00.002+08:00

i look after two cubicles. one is male and one is female. in my female cubicle, theres 4 aunties. A and B are beside each other and C and D are together. after dinner, A and B gestured me to them and pointed me to C and D who are sleeping. they spoke in mandarin but i understood.
A: look at there. sleeping so early.
B: after eating, go sleep. fat pigs.
A&B: (cackles)
me: .....
plus these aunties are funny. when one goes to the toilet, you can be ready to be busy for half an hour because once you return, another wants to go. in conclusion, when one goes, everybody wants to go.

i am so worried about you. i want to fly there and see with my own eyes that you are okay. please be okay.

there are times.

2009-09-06T16:23:00.004+08:00

i was showering. and i daydreamed. halfway, i realized i had applied body wash on my hair and my shampoo on my body.
OMG!
i hoped my body hair dont grow shiny and smooth as claimed by the shampoo.

dont wanna work tomorrow. ):

huge, fair and pretty moon; tonight.

2009-09-06T01:36:00.002+08:00

after break fast, mum asked if wanted to go geylang. i said okay.
omg. geylang is FULL. there was no carpark and the huge crowd was resembling colonies of ants. our car was practically shuffling along. after abt an hour, waiting for a spot, we gave up. i forgot today was a weekend hence the 8 million people at geylang. on our way out, i see many other races in the carpark. im wondering why are there here? why would they want a feel of aidilfitri and deprive us of it. im not being racist. really. i just dont understand.
so we went to kampong glam instead. but there was nothing there. everything was closed.
my plan was to walk ard and maybe buy ramly burger, kebab, takoyaki, dengdeng and maybe some hari-raye related nonsense.
in the end, went to boon keng mac and bought double macspicy. so anticlimatic.

on our way home, we passed by this church. i broke into laughter because i remembered that this was the church that hung a poster of a crucified jesus in ancient china. as in those half bald, hlaf long plaited hair kind of china era. it was so fucking funny.
when did jesus went to china?
was my sister's and mine's thoughts when we saw the poster. dont bother looking for it now. its no longer there. mom said that apparently, there were complaints to the church abt it.
HAHA. duh.

my strange nap dream.

2009-09-04T22:42:00.003+08:00

i was at sgh kopitiam. it was pretty empty. I fished out my phone from my nhc uniform.
hello.
ehy, asshole. im downstairs. you want to eat anything? are you on IO? i was calling sherman. in my dream, he was in admitted for RTA. HAHA.
i can eat anything la. what you getting? ayam penyet ah?
duh.
ah, can la.
okay. is sk there?
she just left. her break over already. raidah is coming ah? suddenly, my dream whisked raidah beside me.
ya. anything else you want?
babi.
fuck you la. bye ah.
bye.
the scene changes and we were walking to sherman's ward. we said hello to the staffs there and sherman has hamilton-russel traction and his head is wrapped in bandages. now that i thnk abt it, its quite funny. but in my dream time, i was thinking he must be in real pain. thing was, he was surrounded by nyp student nurses. girls ones.
tsk-tsk.
so, we ate with me and raidah sitting on opposite ends of cardiac table.
eh jannah, you can eat ah?
huh? why? dont be fucking greedy can? i already buy for you, still want mine?
i thot you were fasting.
.......

i woke up.
craving for sgh nasi ayam penyet. i think the dream last quite long bcoz the true character really shines thru. sherman is really an asshole as described above in real life. no lie.
moaned around then get up to sit at the table and stare at the food.

going to call you.

2009-09-03T21:01:00.002+08:00

time is moving too fast at night. when im working, it drags itself. when its at night and im free to do whatever i want, it practically blinks by.
today's work was better than expected. the OT and PT staff are so freaking nice! almost make me wish to become and OT/PT. almost.

just now, i thot i saw raidah at hospital. HAHA. i was reading my cleo and i looked up to see this girl with a nikon and she even walks like raidah. then she turned and i was proven wrong. most definitely wrong.

complications.

2009-09-02T16:36:00.003+08:00

im typing on my qwerty.

then im deleting.

then i ponder.

then i type again.

then i delete and sigh.

in the end;

i'm going to sleep already.

sleep-deprived.

2009-09-02T16:23:00.004+08:00

im thinking of writing really long and meaningful posts. and while im away from my lappie, i can think really good ones so i make a note to myself. then when i get home and sit infront of the lappie, my mind goes blank. my mind will make a lousy secretary.

this morning, for whatever reason, there were ALOT of bugs near the lights at the bus stop. it was like butterfly kingdom or park or whatever. except it wasnt butterflies, it was gi-normous moths. omg. and they were flying around like mad. i was literally sitting on the edge of my buttocks, ever ready to jump and flap my arms wildly should any those mutilated moths decide to check me out.
i was vibrating on the spot as i am pretty sure movements deter them. everybody at the bus stop was all moving randomly, trying to avoid the flight paths of these steroidal moths. when bus 70 came, i had never been so happy to see it in my entire life.

its strange that the reason why you hate your workplace is the one who likes you the most.

kebencian.

2009-09-01T21:36:00.003+08:00

i didnt get to watch my music bank. because of some stupid transmission errors from KBS WORLD. i was looking forward to it the whole week and now its gone. idiot.

dont get me wrong but the whole shazam is dragging itself across the cold, hard ground.
does this mean im free to look elsewhere too?
because you imply that you're not ready yet.

crawling time.

2009-09-01T16:41:00.002+08:00

i dont like slow paces in workplaces, it seems.
like in polyclinics or the hopsital that im currently attached to.
speed of light is alien to them.

i cant believe i miss sgh. and that it will be 4 super long weeks till i go there again.
at least, i get to eat my nasi ayam penyet by the time i'm there.

he lost his soul.

2009-08-30T20:11:00.002+08:00

rainy days make me wish for a warm body close by. ayman is too small but he seemed to know i am feeling lousy so he kept still while i held him close and breathe in his baby scent.

when nobody's there, i wonder if there will be anybody.
now that there is somebody, i wonder if there will be anybody else.
i am determined to make this work.
but, it seemed you're not helping.
i've never been so understanding and laidback like this before.
you're the first.

meanie me.

2009-08-29T23:26:00.002+08:00

fasting is not as torturous as i thot it would be. im getting used to the hunger.

i'm starting to read again.
time traveller's wife is a book i will never get sick of.
the love and pain is so beautifully potrayed that i will always end up crying in the end. all the time. every time i read, i cry.

i am losing interest.
i think its my fault.
typical me.

theres something wrong with the boat. i should get off but i dont want to.

last exam.

2009-08-27T22:39:00.002+08:00

the last two papers are lousyy.

went buke with sarrah, hayu and dd. at pizza hut. its been a while since we hang out and i think i was the only one who felt a little awkward. ):

im too tired to blog now.

my left ear is blocked.

2009-08-15T23:26:00.003+08:00

i am saying goodbye to blogger, facebook and youtube for now.

goodbye.

dont miss me. during my eight weeks break, i am going to come back to you.
FYI to those who dont know me much, i dont go online during my attachments alot. im too tired to do so.
maybe hari raya, i'll come back and post up nice pictures of me.
maybe.

last day of school.

2009-08-14T21:31:00.002+08:00

the shopping mall in front of centrepoint is BARE.

we took loads of photos. liah cried. made me want to cry but i scared my eyeliner will run. HAHA. went to orchard to eat delifrance with raidah. but there wasnt any. so, we ate RAMEN TEN.

on the way home, i was daydreaming and when i came to focus, there will guy who sat in front of us. and i could see a shape in his pant. his DICK! omg. you could see the shape of the head. i told raidah and she saw it too..! ew! i suddenly thot what if that bump was his balls instead. but theres only one bump. again, i whispered to raidah.
ya. maybe its the gonad. only one? maybe it deviated.
HAHA.

reason for my curt and uninteresting report is because i am in pain.

Raidah's Doubles.

2009-08-13T00:49:00.003+08:00

it's obvious she's happy. but she didnt finish it, in the end.

put that kid where it came from or so help me.

2009-08-09T22:51:00.003+08:00

i went to swensens at the airport just now to eat dinner but im stil hungry now. i was hoping to see any korean tourists but there was none. there was alot of indians, though.
i saw the departure tv screen and found a flight to Seoul/Incheon. haix.. i was just thinking of my future trip to Korea with Liah. then my mom brought crashing it down by saying that i can't go alone. i thot she was kidding but she wasnt. she say she have to go with me. i mean, ew! im going with my friends! if i bring her along, it would be sooo boring!!!! but she will probably put her foot in her mouth and i would trying to find a hole to hide.
i have to find some ways to change her mind. for my sake and.... well, just for my sake.

im watching Monsters. Inc for the third time and it is so fucking funny!!
i laughed like shit when the part of the sucking scream machine work the evil monster's assistant. the end result was so fucking funny. fucking! the 입술 reminds me forcefully of something that SK, me and Sherman laughed abt at MAC.

hottest.

2009-08-08T20:19:00.002+08:00

just now, i went to a wedding. omg. it was really like a beauty and the beast scene. the bride is fair and pretty. but the groom!!! he was dark, ugly, balding, pot-bellied and did i mention he was ugly?
i have no idea how he got her. im not saying that ugly guys cannot get married or anything, its just she's a great catch. her family is loaded, she has the potential of getting better guys plus shes not old or married before.

my sister and i had to control our laughter when we saw the huge bald spot at the back of his head.
ew.

ION ORCHARD.

2009-08-07T23:31:00.004+08:00

after our lunch with Hafiz, (and our sexual teasing of him.) raidah and me went to ION orchard. raidah wanted to see the UNIQLO there and i didnt have anything on anyway.

it was SUPER crowded. i hate crowds. i kept getting pushed and shoved. i really hate it. The whole shopping mall was freaking crowded! raidah said it was new plus it was a friday. i dont freaking care. i still hate it.

at UNIQLO, there was this sales dude by the jeans session. i happen to turn and glance and i got a shock. i quickly told raidah what i saw. that dude was wearing those tapered jeans that can ride low on your hips. thing was, the jeans was riding low on him and you would expect to see boxers. but nop. what we saw was a navy blue underwear and part of his thigh. not briefs. underwear. OMG. and, he was still pitching his sales. doesnt he notice the cool air on his skin??

we went home in a crowded MRT. then something happen. omg, im laughing now as im recalling. i was having a conversation with raidah abt how funny she was. our position was that she was leaning against the glass panel by the doors and i was beside her with one leg behind her legs.
... so thats 25 ppl who thinks you're funny. you're funny without meaning to, also.
at this moment, my knee had some spasm and it pitched forward by itself, slamming itself into the back of raidah's knees. like any normal reaction, she buckled and slipped from my range of vision. no, she didnt fall. i was looking up at the moment so she disappeared. HAHA.
omg. i need to pause for my laughing fit.
......
okay... anywayyyyy.....
oh- fffuu...
she doesnt finish swearing but straightens herself right away. i apologized to her because it really was an accident. my knee had a mind of its own!
... another laughing fit.....
she told me that she thot i did it on purpose!! i wouldnt do that on her purposely! we were in public. i didnt find it particularly funny like now at that time because i really felt bad she almost fell to her butt bcoz of me.
it was later, when i got off and went down the escalator that my brain replayed the scene. i actually burst out laughing out loud. i had to bite my lip hard and avoided the looks from my ppl as i rapidly tapped my card and called raidah so i could laugh without looking too crazy.

you always know how to make me laugh, baybeh. (:

HEEHEE.

2009-08-07T22:50:00.003+08:00

this is my present from Liah. thank you. its not my birthday but i think she gives this in return for me buying for her SORRY, SORRY album. inside is super nice. its a book with all my favourite KPOP pictures...!!!

it begins with me. then BIG BANG. thenn.... my CHOI SEUNG HYUN...!!!!

then SUJU. then, my RYEOWOOK....!! And, LEETEUK, HEECHUL, HANKYUNG, YESUNG, KYUHYUN AND SUNGMIN. then all the indiv member.

Then, 2PMMMMMM.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she even included Wooyoung's super white horror child picture...! my SSANTI dancer. then, sexy JAEBEOM. adorable NICKHUN. JUN brothers also!!!!

then, its a picture of her. HEEHEE. its an awesome present!

이여언니, 사랑해요!

ring the alarm.

2009-08-06T00:43:00.002+08:00

note to self: remind sk for swo notes.

JANNAH'S TO-DO LIST

1) start studying.

2) stop looking for wooyoung's ssanti dance.

3) stop laughing maniacally when sneaking a peek at ssanti dance.

4) whack shoulders into submission.

5) cut nails.

6) stop daydreaming about junho lookalike.

7) go pee. bladder is near to explosion.

8) SLEEP.

9) stop chest thrust to 2ne1's FIRE.

10) ... i know. stop blogging.

untouchable.

2009-08-04T22:59:00.001+08:00

the procreation of Z and L is scary.
the process of procreation is scarier.

HAHA.

in geylang.

2009-08-03T22:04:00.002+08:00

thats my mom. she has loads of slipper and shoes in her car. she only realizes that she wore different ones when we reach tanjong katong. she is too lazy to walk back to change so thruout the shopping trip, she wore that.

i have nothing to say.

wearing my new doraemon nightshirt.

2009-08-03T21:16:00.002+08:00

i told raidah that my sense of balance is off these days. i thought she was going to say that my middle ear was something wrong but she delved into the brain part.
ur hydrocephalus is something wrong.
im thinking isnt hydrocephalus is a brain disease abt fluid in ur brain or something. i told her that.
oh. (giggles.) your hypothalamus ah.
hm, isnt that part the one that regulates your body temperature? again, i told her my thoughts.
(giggles.) oh, ehy?
isnt it the cerebellum that has to do with balance? ( i mean it controls your motor movement and coordination, right?)
(silence) i think i have to open the anatomy book already.

note: this conversation is not the exact words used as the author (ME!) can't remember the exact words. okay, sarangahe.)

i bought something to whack my shoulders into submission if they get uptight with me. plus a Korean dictionary. (:

silence is awkward when you feel the urge to fill in the gap.

2009-07-31T19:41:00.003+08:00

it was funny riding his bike. because i kept on slipping downwards till we were practically sharing one seat! then, the position was awkward. i was really close, every part of me was melded onto him. EVERY part. he said i shouldnt move alot because it offsets the balance. i moved bcoz i thot it was uncomfortable for him.

i told him that it was only my second time and my first time was much easier. because i didnt have to touch the rider aka Sherman. i think because Sherman's phantom was huge and quite stable on its own. his Kawasaki was high and i was very afraid of getting burned by the exhaust then having to explain to my parents what happened. and he rides much faster than Sherman. he told me i shouldnt worry and just relax. but honestly, i cant. i kept thinking about his previous 2 accidents and my mind was screaming at me that i was a really dumb shit.

by the time we got there, my thighs were burning with the effort of trying not to press close to him. then came the slightly awkward silence. intimate note! he really shot up in height since the last i saw him. he's 175. feels taller. i felt abnormally short beside him. so i told him that he was abnormally tall for a person. just to make myself feel better.

i think im very very good at overcoming awkward silences. i was blabbering random nonsenses that really eased the tension. like abt my patients. or abt the old man who was wearing bright orange crocs who walked past us.

then something happened. i was too astounded to do anything but move on. i dont know what to expect. what to do. how to react. in a way, im glad i went home by myself.

i need me time.

i was meant to watch them.

2009-07-29T17:34:00.004+08:00

i've just finished watching MTV JK hits.
i watched Norago by SuJu and Big Bang's My Heaven. My Heaven was sung in Japanese. ): i hope they finish their Japan tour promotion soon and go back to Korea. ):
TOP is still hot as ever.
G-Dragon's hair makes me tilt my head and purse my lips.
hmm.

AYMAN AND ME. SK AND ME.

2009-07-29T15:21:00.004+08:00

he kicked my lappie.

in revenge.

he drooled on my keyboard.

another revenge.

this is supposed to be scary shot with my phone light at the bottom. but sk ah..!

funny faces.

lighting outside tut room is LOUSY.

staring out the window with the wind on my face is not helping me stay awake.

2009-07-29T14:57:00.003+08:00

swo presentation was lousy. i feel lousy. its a lousy module.

watched the national day celebration at atrium for a while. it feels like a lousy noraebang session. actually wanted to see the SHS NATIONAL DAY CUM NURSES DAY but its like starting soo late at 1530 and school was finished for us! lousy. even right now, im at home, slacking and its not even 1530 yet.
now im bored. wanted to watch the 2nd ep for wild bunny but the subs aren out yet and my korean cant barely make a conversation so there's definitely NO way i can understand anything. lousy.

korean class is later. i feel sleepy. ):
i dont know what to do now.
LOUSY.

rather you be irritated at my absense than presence.

2009-07-28T20:21:00.002+08:00

watched HP today with raidah.
its so sad that dumbledore has to die. i think i'm more affected because i read the books and i know why dumblebore said please to snape.

i cant find my white shirt. angry is going to well, angry.

I don't care 그만할래 니가 어디에서 뭘 하던

이제 정말 상관 안할게 비켜줄래

이제와 울고불고 매달리지마

cause I don't care e e e e e e

I don't care e e e e e e

my happiness feels stolen.

2009-07-27T19:56:00.002+08:00

i dont know why but i really feel unhappy when its very obvious i should be happy. i passed my clinical. i just feel i shouldnt but my head is slapping me upside down and screaming at me that its a good thing i pass and i definitely shouldn't dwell on it.
i prepared for the wrong things and when my assessor asked questions, i just blanked. honestly, i have never even heard of the questions before. my lecturer didnt tell us!
but she was super nice to me. she didn't fail me. so, thank you, G. saranghae?

this junsu and waii gossip is killing me. she should just stop slamming my junsu and go hide under a rock, for her own safety. she's collecting antis like there's no tomorrow. and honestly, i dont believe junsu would actually date her. ew. i think all junsu's fans would agree with me when i say that junsu most definitely has better taste.
some people just dont know their limits.
i hope JYP sues her.

wooooyyoouunnngg...

2009-07-26T19:34:00.000+08:00

i also want to touch!

my eyes are the size of teaspoons.

2009-07-26T19:05:00.002+08:00

i hate to sleep in the day. i mean like a nap. no matter how sleepy i get, i always try to avoid it. just now, i was rolling in my bed, listening to 2PM when i fell asleep. OMG.

i woke up an hour later and i honestly was beating myself up. the reason i hate naps is because when i wake up i am even more tired than i was before, my eyes will swell and hurts and my whole body feels like shit.

i was supposed to practice my skills using my imagination for tmrw assessment but im too tired and pained to do anything but type and stare into my lappie. i die die hope i get like CVP monitoring. if not, ETT suctioning. if i get assisting with ETT insertion, i am going to freak out. i dont care what my assessor will think of me as i indulge in a little tantrum when i get the unlucky card.

lets hope i pass.
then can do SWO ppt properly.
and my FYP.
and AN5.
and my written exams.
and geron posting, which starts right after my exams and also during fasting month!
and my OT and ED posting.
then finally my 8 weeks break. (im going to sleep for the first 6 weeks.)
after that its PRCP.
oh, shit.

RAIN-ISM.

2009-07-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

VIVIAN, I DEMAND YOU TO WATCH IT WITH ME WHEN IT HITS SINGAPORE!

toilet thinking.

2009-07-24T21:16:00.003+08:00

after my clinical theory test, i went to relieve my full bladder and i saw a splatter of urine on the floor from the toilet bowl. im thinking to myself how can that happen?
did her projectile of urine became so strong and it shot over the toilet seat and onto the floor?
or did she have not enough time to pull down her pants/skirt and underwear?
as i was peeing, i keep thinking about this.
then something hit me.
what if...

...she's not really a girl.
gasp!

raidah's email.

2009-07-23T16:08:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

my 4 split-personality friend.

2009-07-22T23:04:00.002+08:00

HABIBI!!

2009-07-21T20:00:00.001+08:00

yes, yes, i know im very mean.

but hes very irritating. keeps putting the cloth around himself then gets stuck and cry.

i think he looks pretty, though.

don't you?

its only you, my baby.

2009-07-20T22:36:00.002+08:00

i really hope i dont get assisting with insertion of ETT tube.

omg, wookie is so hot. except for that whore he was gyrating with. but other than that, hawt stuff.

too much is too much.

2009-07-16T19:54:00.002+08:00

everyone close to me knows i hate to sweat, be in hot sun, ppl pinching me and interrupted abruptly during my daydreams.

but honestly what i hate really the most is great expectations. from me, specifically.
you expect so much from me without knowing me fully, you get disappointed. then you blame me for your disappointment,which is plain stupid and irritating. in the end, you pissed me off and i will seriously hate you. your disappointment and your GREAT expectation has nothing to do with me. when you tell me about it, you make me angry. its not my fault so stop making it sound like it is.

i expected more from you.
really? i dont give a shit, cibai.

too much work.

2009-07-14T16:20:00.002+08:00

1) internal skills assessment
2) clinical theory
3) FYP ppt
4) FYP prototype
5) AN5 ppt
6) Sociology ppt
7) final exam
8) PRCP

keropok bacin.

dumb boys on liquid diet.