i was in a busy place. i remember being with a group of friends. im fuzzy about the details. its either my nursing class or CHOCs. somebody collapsed behind me and i turned. i immeadietly ask everyone to not crowd around the man. I knelt down and started the CPR process. i tapped the man and assessed responsiveness. after shouting for someone to call 995, i checked his pulse and respiration. then i blew air and did the pumps. odd thing was that i couldnt lock my elbows. i knew i was doing nothing helpful to the poor man but i couldnt stop myself from doing further damage. i was crying as i counted the pumps.
i was angry that my elbows couldnt lock. after some time, i was getting breathless and i was getting tired. someone tapped my shoulder.
stop it.
i shook my head and amazingly, my elbows locked itself. i began pumping with earnest. then the paramedics came and told me he's dead. then in my dream, i realized that the man was my bf. oh my god, i cried even more. i watched as the paramedics carry him away. i stood up and i was thinking why didn't anyone helped me. both of the groups of friends i was with, i know they knew CPR. they could have helped and he could be alive right now.
good job.
i turned and saw that it was Say Li who told me to stop and telling me i did a good job with my CPR. good job? i killed the man!
then i woke up.




this is my morning's dream.
my grandma bake star cookies, the size of my hands. i woke up and realized that it was a dream. my grandma was lying on the matress beside my bed. so i told her.
nenek, adik mimpi yg nenek buat biskut bintang. sebesar tangan adik.
huh? takde la.
i got up from my bed and took my lappie from the foot of my bed and went out to living room to connect to the internet.
then i woke up up again! i was still on my bed! my grandma was below me. i turned my head.
nenek, adik mimpi yg adik mimpi pasal nenek buat biskut bintang!! maknye adik mimpi dua kali!
grandma laughs. my phone vibrated, reminded me abt an email i must do. so i slid from my bed and took my lappie outside, sleep still lagging my brain. when i placed the lappie outside, my brain woke up with a start.
didn't we did this, before? my brain asked. oh my god, yeah!
....