pocketful of dreams.

read me like a book.

JANNAH.
20 on 24 Apr.
Lousy SN.
K-POP fanatic.
Loves GREY and PINK.

wishlist

*A Digi-Cam
*To attend a K-POP concert
*My Graduation
*A passable SN
*To be happy

oNe of mY dAeS

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 @ 4:33 PM

i am a social butterfly. right. i am not. i really am not. i dont know why people classify me as social butterfly. all i'm feeling is loneliness. deep loneliness. i dont really belong to any specific group of friends.when i'm with one group, they wud be talking and i wud have this feeling. i could not put my finger on this feeling. but now, i know what it's called. i decided i shall meke a paragraph of it.

I'm just a girl. I'm not what you make of me. I do not possess any of the qualities you said i have. i'm just a big fake. i'm trying to fit in where i don't belong, like a square block trying to get in thru a circle hole. i'm the one outside looking in. I'm the one who is standing outside in the cold of a warm coffee house. Everytime the door opened and a group comes out, i shared in their warmth and laughter. But, they won't be there forever. They will have to move on. And when they do, i'll be back to feeling cold. Then i'll shuffle my feet back to the large glass window to cup my hands over my eyes to see whats going on inside and rushing back to the door if i see another group leaving. Or another metaphor would be me being the taster and the groups are the food i'm tasting. i wud be allowed to only have a taste and not the whole dish. I am incomplete. An incomplete social bitch. I do not have that one friend who i can share all my dirty secrets and be there fer me all the time. Everybody has a life and nobody wants to hear me bitch about my family, my life, my pain or my pleasure. if i were to talk about it, it wud go in thru the right ear and go out the left ear, vice versa.

this is me. i am the social bitch. i am the one with no real friends. i am the one who nobody counts on fer support. so when i finally leave this land and travel oceans away, i will always remember this entry and make an effort to change what i am and who i chose to be, to become a better friend to someone else.

if u read this entry and try to show me pity, i will shove that up your ass and tell you to go fuck the stray cat. i'm serious. i dont need your pity.