i hate it when people blamed for things i never do.

im so angry and yet utterly sad. i posted something on FB and someone else felt the insult. when ppl tell me that i shudnt add my colleagues as friends, i thought, why the hell not, they're friends too. but now i know why. this incident is going to affect my future work.
story is that i wrote on my FB that i was SOOO angry at someone, i didnt specify who. i asked that person to help me and she outright refused to but expects me to do so much more for her. so, in my anger, i must have shouted at one of the ENs to help me accompany this pt down. the porter kept bugging me to send down with her. but i cant because i have a course on pain practical and i was already running late. i mean, dont you ever experience anger so strong that it sprints down your whole body making you oblivious to everything around you??


so this EN thinks that im talking about her on FB, because she said 'no' to helping me. and, she msg-ed me that i was like different than when i was an student. i dont help out around the ward and always ask ppl to do things for me.
what she doesnt understand is that im going thru a transition. from a student nurse, im thrust into staff nursing. and since, i'm STAFF and no longer student nurse, theres so many things that i'm available to do for.
like if pts have to be send down for CT scan, x-ray, OT or even the cancer center, if they have oxygen, a staff must accompany the porter. and juniors cant do that and the staff nurses have their own rooms so im sent. that is why im missing sometimes and i dont help them with the ward routines. if i was a student, im not allowed to do all this so i stay up in the ward and happily do work with them.
then i have like courses so i cant be in the ward the whole time. like half-way thru the shift i have to go. and some things i still cannot do so when i take a case and need blood, i have to ask someone to help me because i havent learn how to take blood or even administer IV meds yet.


and she said that some of the staff are pissed at me because i keep asking them to do work. and that i just started work but already order ppl to do things. i really try to do everything for myself, i really do because my preceptor said that if you can do it by yourself, dont disturb the juniors. so if i ask you to do it, it's because im really desperate and that i really need your help.


i thot i was doing quite okay but i guessed i was wrong. i am a lousy SN. i'm really sorry to all the staff. i will work super hard for this 6 months. i cant believe im crying right now and i havent even officially start work. my chest feels like so heavy.


lousy SN. lousy Jannah.

i keep on wanting to upate my blog. but i have to think of what to write and how to put it in words. whereas in tumblr, i just click away. im not saying i prefer tumblr, im just saying.


i am so lazy that while im in my hellish foundation programme, i planned and drafted out a post so i could just copy and paste when im at home. and now, sitting in front of my lappie, my laziness cranks up several notches. yup, im too lazy to get up and find my notebook to copy and paste.


i know, i know.

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/heartskboys



my best friend is the best.


good job on the venting. it was nice to read. you highlighted all the right parts.
syabas, NUR RAIDAH.

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